Have you ever noticed how stupid bank robbers are?
Think about it.
They rob institutions that are brimming with video cameras.
They take money that is designed to explode after they leave the building.
They hand tellers notes written in their easily identifiable handwriting.
After all these years, they still haven’t figured out that silent alarms activate while they are in the bank.
When they flee the bank, they drop half of the money, leaving a trail that leads to their hiding places.
Many of them don’t even have a get-away car. They walk. I remember one time some Atlantans walked away from the place they had robbed in Fayetteville. They told police they had planned to call a cab.
If bank robbers succeed and later try to spend the money, they get caught because of the tell-tale ink that stains money stolen from a bank.
Then, they get convicted and can get life sentences.
But, you already know they are stupid. You can see that from the looks on their faces broadcast by the TV news from surveillance cameras. The idiotic hats they wear. The sunglasses they believe make masterful disguises.
Remember the robber we prosecuted a few months ago? You know, the one-eyed man. The one whose mask had---one eye-hole.
Then there was the guy I tried in Griffin last June. He disguised himself with a cape and a Phantom of the Opera mask. He lit a fuse on a Coke bottle filled with gasoline and tossed it toward the door of the bank.
All that did was force him to walk through flames to enter the bank, catching his sleeve on fire.
He got two bags of money and ran away, shucking off clothes as he ran.
One of the items of clothing was a tee shirt. Guess what was written on it. That’s right, “Phantom of the Opera.�
The trail of clothes led deputies to a pond behind the bank.
In the pond was our half-naked robber, trying to swim to the other side.
It’s hard to swim with a bag of money in each hand.
The deputies walked around the pond and arrested him when he waded up to them.
With wads of money floating around him, he looked up at the deputies from the water and denied knowing anything about a bank robbery.
Then, he asked to go to the hospital. Somehow, he had burnt his arm.
Years ago, another robber was on trial in Fayetteville.
He listened to testimony from the crime scene investigator about all of the fingerprints he had left at the place he had robbed.
Enraged, he turned to his lawyer and whispered loud enough for everybody on the jury to hear him, “That’s a lie. I was wearing gloves.�
You may have noticed that we’ve had more than our fair share of bank robberies recently. I’m fed up with it. You are, too. But, we all can take solace in one fact. This is a match of wits between the robbers and our cops.
My money is on the cops.
Ballard is district attorney for the Griffin Judicial District, which includes Fayette County.
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