The tech world was rocked recently when Apple Computers announced to the world that it would rip consumers off by overcharging them and make the consumers like it. They also announced publicly the iPhone 5, MSRP $600.
News analysts could not tell the difference between the two announcements because Apple chief executive officer Tim Cook made both announcements at the same time by saying, "We've got some really cool stuff to show you."
The most basic iPhone is as little as $199 for people who sign up for a two-year contract with their cell phone company, extending the contract they had to sign to get a new phone which extended the contract - you get the idea.
The cell company pays the other $401 to Apple for the right to own the iPhone 5 user. Third world dictators are quite upset about this because they often have to pay an entire herd of stolen goats for one good slave.
Once the various fees, tariffs, add-ons, hidden fees and Chinese construction costs and bribes are added up, Apple has about $35 invested in each iPhone 5.
That's a $565 profit per iPhone 5. (At least from the people who don't own Macintosh computers. Mac owners get the iPhone 5 at a different price, but I didn't say that.)
Apple Chairman Arthur D. Levinson said the profit margin was barely acceptable.
"We really believe the profit margin should be higher, but we don't want to be accused of gouging the iPhone-buying public. At least we don't want to be accused of gouging them beyond what they are willing to pay", he said.
A herd of goats is worth four or five iPhone 5s these days, according to a report from Ivan Turnyerphoneoff, a despot and tyrant in the little known country of Unpronounceablestan. He was contacted on one several iPhone 5s which he traded for one of his daughter's hand in marriage to a local tribal chief. Ivan was unavailable for additional comments, as he had to go squash another rebellion of deposed goat herdsmen and women.
Apple Chairman Levinson said the company is considering accepting goats as legal tender in certain third world countries and the iPhone factory in China.
Now, thousands of people are walking around now with what amounts to an leash and tracking device that's not compatible with anything else and which cost them $200 out of pocket and made them an indentured servant to a cell phone company for the rest of their life.
These are the same people who have sneered at Apple products like the Power Mac while typing out ‚ "I want a computer. I don't want to belong to a cult" on their iPads into an online PC message board.
Apple announced it will make additional profits selling the Angry Birds Version Pi through the apps store. "Available now for $1.99 + fees. Fees? Did we say fees? We meant, uh, hey look! A squirrel!" Cook said.
Meanwhile, the majority of people bought the iPhone 5 enjoyed their purchase for 24 hours. When the 25th hour started, they all started whining about how they are so looking forward to the iPhone 6 release sometime next year.
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